My new way of being is of peace

 I recently reread my last blog post.  As I'm sure you are already aware, I did not post any of my deeper insights.  In all honesty, I didn't feel as though I had many deep insights over the last fourteen weeks.  I felt messy, unbalanced, often I felt crazy.  I stressed.  I stressed a lot.  And then I stressed some more.  I worried that yoga and this teacher training were not helping me become the calm, balanced, unflappable, peaceful person I wanted to be; instead, I felt like it was causing more pain, more unbalance, and more unrest.  In the midst of all this, I was offered a position teaching at a new school in a much bigger city in a new state.  I resigned from my current job.  My vacuum cleaner broke, our room was a mess, and Louis' ears are grosser than ever.  My iPhone shattered two months after I had gotten it repaired.  I had my final concert with the College of Charleston Flute Choir.  I was invited to play flute for Charleston Collegiate's Fine Arts Week.  I had five essays to write for my teacher training.  I was exhausted. I started eating whatever I wanted, and what I wanted was sugar, sugar, and more sugar.  And not the good kind, either.  And I blamed yoga.  I blamed teacher training.  I justified and rationalized until I was blue in the face and my tummy was uncomfortable and bloated.

And you know what?  I am so grateful for all of it.  I have a strong home practice, an amazing community at my studio, and best of all, I have an amazing husband and amazing family.  I could not have gotten through the last three months without all of you.  I am looking forward to working at Brandon Hall, which appears to be my dream job.  I will get to teach Spanish and French, assist music and theatre, and teach yoga!  I fixed the vacuum cleaner (and got a new "cat" out of it, haha!).  Our room is still a mess, but that will be fixed tonight!   My amazing husband found me a new iPhone the day mine broke, with a case, and the iCloud back everything up!  I played well for my final concert with the Flute Choir and Mom and e were both there to see it!!  I played the toughest movement from Bach's first Sonate for flute and harpsichord and almost nailed it (I have videos, but can't figure out how to upload them at the moment).  I got my five essays done and I am happy with them.  I'm still exhausted and still craving sugar, but I'm also craving healthy foods and am so happy I finally have more time and energy to cook weird meals like burritos, roasted brussels sprouts, and stuffed mushrooms.

As sad as it was telling my students last Friday that we're moving, their reactions were sweet.  My 8th graders were thrilled that I'd be teaching at a boarding school and began to imagine what boarding life would be like (I highly doubt any of them will actually attend, but it would be fun!).  My 7th graders were supposed to be texting in answers to check their homework, and instead texted in these responses:

Through this challenge of yoga teacher training, I have learned to compartmentalize my life.  A tough day at work doesn't mean a tough evening at home, and vice versa.  I give up self doubt and am ready for self acceptance, right now.  My new way of being is of peace.

Namaste.